I am frequently reminded at how amazing our brains are and all the things they are capable of. However, there are a few things that, to me, seem very menial, that my brain can't seem to figure out. Like remembering basic and or somewhat significant situations. Take childbirth for instance, I was just talking to someone recently about my last birth, and all my other births and remembering that they "weren't that bad." I seem to think that I have it pretty easy when it comes to birthing babies (even 9 lb babies)...and THEN I REMEMBERED after my last pregnancy and birth...repeatedly, telling myself and perhaps others around me that I didn't EVER, EVER want to do "THIS" (birth)...EVER AGAIN! Now why would I think and say such things if it was, Oh so easy??? Brain Fail! Big time!
The other thing my supposedly sophisticated brain can't quite get through my thick head is that I should NEVER, I repeat NEVER cut my own hair! Really, scissors and I should not be allowed alone together. I have this funny notion that scissors FIX things...Hmmm. Like a t-shirt with a neckline that is a little too high...result--a cut up t-shirt that is "almost" acceptable to wear to bed.
Or a brand new knit sweater with folded cuffs and arms that are just a tad too short....one little snip to "free" the cuffs and viola!...a HUGE hole in one arm and a splitting seam on the other. Lovely! Did I mention it was brand new? Yeah! The tags were still on it and I had bought it that same day!
How about a throw blanket that would look so FABULOUS if I just cut it here and there and hung it up as curtains...I didn't mind this one...but my hubby wasn't too impressed ; ) (later-after my self admiration and crafty buzz left, I understood why)
Jeans turned into capri's....that never look quite right.
A decent, but slightly too long skirt...turned into a quite "indecent" and too short skirt. Legging anyone?!?
And many many more. But the ultimate worst one is when I try to cut my own hair!!! I'm pretty sure, that every time I do, I am sorely sorry and VOW to remember that it never works and not to do it again!!! Unfortunately...once again! Brain fail!
About two weeks ago, I was pining for a hair-cut. My hair is getting longer (Wahoo!), but needed just a little style so I don't look Menonite (nothing wrong with it...just not my intentions : ). So, I found a super cute and stylish cut that would leave my hair long, but keep me in the 21st century. A long-layered "V" cut! I found pictures, saw a tutorial or two on youtube, then grabbed a coupon and marched down to our local Super Cuts for a $7 hair-cut! And it looked great!...but then I started analyzing it and checking it in the mirror and before I know it, I have a pair of scissors intending to make a few SIMPLE ADJUSTMENTS! Just to make the "V" shape a little more noticeable. The stylist did a good job...it was just a little too subtle...BRAIN FAIL! When a hair-cut is subtle, that should be a GOOD thing! Honestly, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
So, a few "little cuts" here and there...AND MY HAIR IS HACKED! A nice big chunk in the front and a few random chunks elsewhere...NOT smooth, seemless "V" shape! Honestly. Immediate regret filled my chest...and then, "What is Kiely going to say? He is SO, SO going to disown me!" Might I also mention here, that my husband has gently, but repeatedly mentioned to me that he LOVES my hair long and even instated some words of wisdom to which he would prefer I live by: "You can't cut your hair longer!" Okay, double brain fail...BUT, I can't leave it like this. It looks awful!
Now, the intelligent thing (the supposedly, brilliant brain thing) to do would have been to march myself right back down to the salon (or perhaps a different one- to save myself the opportunity to practice a little humility), and had a PROFESSIONAL do it! However, TRIPLE BRAIN FAIL in the works...and I attempted to "FIX" my very own mistake with the very same set of scissors and the very same limited and obviously inexperienced skill set. Yay me?.............. BAD ME!
The worst part is that I had to confess to my man (while hiding partially under the covers-mind you), and he just rolled his eyes and faithfully responded, "You can't cut your hair longer-you know!?" And Yes! Yes, I know....it's my superbly brilliant brain that can't seem to remember long enough to remind me! So, conclusion--once again! "I can't (and SHOULD NEVER), cut my hair...longer!"
Bounding, bumping, & laughing through life!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Moving on...
Suprise!!! This post is about parenting...Go figure! Well, I gues it IS what I DO, and think about nearly 24~7
So what is it this time? Moving on!
I have found out fairly recently that I have not always understood the true concept of grace. Not understanding grace leaves a LOT of room for GUILT, and guilt accompanies SHAME quite nicely. SO, GUILT and SHAME...NOT a good recipe for parenting! Not a good recipe for LIFE! Not a good recipe for relationships!
And I don't like bad recipes, so I started reading a book called "All Of Grace" by Charles Spurgeon. What a DELIGHT to have my heart opened up (if even just a fraction more), to GRACE! And even though I wish I could put into words how I understand it more, I really can't. It's just different in my soul!
And what does that have to do with parenting? Moving on!
Just Wednesday, we found out that my husband had to work out of town for the weekend and it just so happened, I had signed us up to teach Sunday school today. Fantastic! All weekend I was trying to keep a good attitude, but was truly just dreading Sunday morning. We are fairly new to our church and the boys have difficulty staying out of trouble during worship. Something about needing to poke other people, or lay on them or take the silent moments as a cue to talk really loud. They just need CONSTANT attendance and it's MUCH easier when we have a 1parent to 2 kids ratio. And even after my "before-church-debriefing" they took the hint that I was outnumbered and didn't cut me any slack...And it just went downhill from there.
After said worship (complet with poking and laying and all that), I had to check Selah into the nursery (which she is still getting used to, and not so well), so I could teach the older class. Instead of helping, MY children were the worst behaved! I sent one to the car, forgot about the one in the car, put another in timeout, then the one in the car decided to get out and run around the parking lot. The pastors wife was walking Selah around the foyer because she was having a hard time in the nursery, but then she saw "rogue child" and instantly melted down. I took Selah, retrieved "rogue son", put him in time-out IN the class. We finished class, parents came to get their kids, then one of my sons decided to bear hug the other and pull him on the ground, other son didn't fancy that so he took to punching...
BOTH boys in time-out!!!
All the other kids leave, we clean up! I instruct ALL my children NOT to leave until I say so. Go FIVE steps to the bathroom to wet a towel to wipe down tables, come back! ONE CHILD MISSING!
Finally, we completed our service and I got all the kids in the car, FEELING ready to take away ALL priveleges for the rest of their LIVES and to make sure the rest of their day would be as MISERABLE as the beginning of MINE...
Enter GRACE (and a Saviour that is gracious to me and a heart that is learning to LISTEN). I wanted to lay on the guilt.
"Look what you just put me through!"
"And don't think I'm going to let you forget about it, either."
"I can keep reminding you until you are TRULY sorry for your offense"
"Until you REALLY understand what you did wrong."
In comes GUILT. In comes SHAME. A bitter and twisted recipe. A wedge in the middle of a relationship!
INSTEAD, in GOD'S grace, I determined what was an appropriate consequence for the mornings behavings. Once we returned home, the boys received the consequences....
SITUATION RESOLVED. OVER. DONE. CONSEQUENCE PAID.
FORGIVEN.
MOVING ON!
Then...........WE SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY, LAUGHING AND PLAYING AND DELIGHTING IN EACH OTHER'S COMPANY. RELATIONSHIP MENDED. OFFENSE FORGOTTEN.
This, I believe, is GOD's GRACE. Sometimes we still have to serve the consequences, BUT, He FORGIVES, He FORGETS, and then HE DELIGHTS IN US! A relationship unsevered. Full of JOY and PEACE.
I think I am just BEGINNING to understand HIS GRACE!
What a relief and a burden lifted to know that my God does not hold onto offense, that His main goal is to FELLOWSHIP with us, to DELIGHT in us. A relationship with NO hinderances. With NO guilt, with NO shame. REPENTENCE? YES!
But Then?
MOVING ON!
So what is it this time? Moving on!
I have found out fairly recently that I have not always understood the true concept of grace. Not understanding grace leaves a LOT of room for GUILT, and guilt accompanies SHAME quite nicely. SO, GUILT and SHAME...NOT a good recipe for parenting! Not a good recipe for LIFE! Not a good recipe for relationships!
And I don't like bad recipes, so I started reading a book called "All Of Grace" by Charles Spurgeon. What a DELIGHT to have my heart opened up (if even just a fraction more), to GRACE! And even though I wish I could put into words how I understand it more, I really can't. It's just different in my soul!
And what does that have to do with parenting? Moving on!
Just Wednesday, we found out that my husband had to work out of town for the weekend and it just so happened, I had signed us up to teach Sunday school today. Fantastic! All weekend I was trying to keep a good attitude, but was truly just dreading Sunday morning. We are fairly new to our church and the boys have difficulty staying out of trouble during worship. Something about needing to poke other people, or lay on them or take the silent moments as a cue to talk really loud. They just need CONSTANT attendance and it's MUCH easier when we have a 1parent to 2 kids ratio. And even after my "before-church-debriefing" they took the hint that I was outnumbered and didn't cut me any slack...And it just went downhill from there.
After said worship (complet with poking and laying and all that), I had to check Selah into the nursery (which she is still getting used to, and not so well), so I could teach the older class. Instead of helping, MY children were the worst behaved! I sent one to the car, forgot about the one in the car, put another in timeout, then the one in the car decided to get out and run around the parking lot. The pastors wife was walking Selah around the foyer because she was having a hard time in the nursery, but then she saw "rogue child" and instantly melted down. I took Selah, retrieved "rogue son", put him in time-out IN the class. We finished class, parents came to get their kids, then one of my sons decided to bear hug the other and pull him on the ground, other son didn't fancy that so he took to punching...
BOTH boys in time-out!!!
All the other kids leave, we clean up! I instruct ALL my children NOT to leave until I say so. Go FIVE steps to the bathroom to wet a towel to wipe down tables, come back! ONE CHILD MISSING!
Finally, we completed our service and I got all the kids in the car, FEELING ready to take away ALL priveleges for the rest of their LIVES and to make sure the rest of their day would be as MISERABLE as the beginning of MINE...
Enter GRACE (and a Saviour that is gracious to me and a heart that is learning to LISTEN). I wanted to lay on the guilt.
"Look what you just put me through!"
"And don't think I'm going to let you forget about it, either."
"I can keep reminding you until you are TRULY sorry for your offense"
"Until you REALLY understand what you did wrong."
In comes GUILT. In comes SHAME. A bitter and twisted recipe. A wedge in the middle of a relationship!
INSTEAD, in GOD'S grace, I determined what was an appropriate consequence for the mornings behavings. Once we returned home, the boys received the consequences....
SITUATION RESOLVED. OVER. DONE. CONSEQUENCE PAID.
FORGIVEN.
MOVING ON!
Then...........WE SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY, LAUGHING AND PLAYING AND DELIGHTING IN EACH OTHER'S COMPANY. RELATIONSHIP MENDED. OFFENSE FORGOTTEN.
This, I believe, is GOD's GRACE. Sometimes we still have to serve the consequences, BUT, He FORGIVES, He FORGETS, and then HE DELIGHTS IN US! A relationship unsevered. Full of JOY and PEACE.
I think I am just BEGINNING to understand HIS GRACE!
What a relief and a burden lifted to know that my God does not hold onto offense, that His main goal is to FELLOWSHIP with us, to DELIGHT in us. A relationship with NO hinderances. With NO guilt, with NO shame. REPENTENCE? YES!
But Then?
MOVING ON!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
I NEVER thought it would happen to me...but alas, IT HAS!
As I was puting the boys to bed and laying down with Gabe for one last contribution to bed time...I thought, "I wish I could freeze this time. This age. This phase of our lives!"
I have spent many a day at my witts end, and many times thinking that my kids drive me totally crazy, and it's not the good kind of crazy either. I have taken endless deep breaths, and plenty of throw-my-hands-up because I'm done moments. And, to be honest, wasn't sure if I would ever get to the point of just enjoying my children...but, just tonight, I realized we must be getting close, because I honestly, and whole-heartedly wanted to hold on to this moment of life! It's such a great feeling, yet a little sad too, because I know they will grow...as they should. *sigh*
But, I still have today. So, TODAY, I will Rejoice! And thank my Heavenly Father for all that He has given and all He is doing in me and in my heart!
Selah (Pause and meditate on the goodness of God)
To child sized hands, sticky cheeks, dancing, bedtime stories, rubbing backs, lullabies, prayers, adventure, wonder, ridiculously large bites of food that are literally oozing out while chewing, chocolate chip cookies with "too many" chocolate chips, peanut butter toast (again), lost shoes, crawling, bed head and more bed head, holes in jeans (ALL the jeans), groggy mornings, pancakes on Saturday and so So, much more!
AhhCountYourBlessings
As I was puting the boys to bed and laying down with Gabe for one last contribution to bed time...I thought, "I wish I could freeze this time. This age. This phase of our lives!"
I have spent many a day at my witts end, and many times thinking that my kids drive me totally crazy, and it's not the good kind of crazy either. I have taken endless deep breaths, and plenty of throw-my-hands-up because I'm done moments. And, to be honest, wasn't sure if I would ever get to the point of just enjoying my children...but, just tonight, I realized we must be getting close, because I honestly, and whole-heartedly wanted to hold on to this moment of life! It's such a great feeling, yet a little sad too, because I know they will grow...as they should. *sigh*
But, I still have today. So, TODAY, I will Rejoice! And thank my Heavenly Father for all that He has given and all He is doing in me and in my heart!
Selah (Pause and meditate on the goodness of God)
To child sized hands, sticky cheeks, dancing, bedtime stories, rubbing backs, lullabies, prayers, adventure, wonder, ridiculously large bites of food that are literally oozing out while chewing, chocolate chip cookies with "too many" chocolate chips, peanut butter toast (again), lost shoes, crawling, bed head and more bed head, holes in jeans (ALL the jeans), groggy mornings, pancakes on Saturday and so So, much more!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Happy Spring!
We have been enjoying our spring OH so much! With LOTS of renovation on our yard(a post coming about that...some day!), some beautiful sunny days and some good family time. Today, we ventured out to the local Farmer's Market for some enjoyable Saturday perusing...We didn't purchase much, just a head of lettuce, a bunch of fresh peppermint and a LARGE kettle corn. Yum! Yum! Yum!
Then we relaxed for a bit and let the boys play at the park and run through the library fountain.
Even Selah (who has already taken several steps, and is on the verge of being a full time walker!!!!Crazy, i know!), had some fun in the water. Probably her favorite thing yet!
And doesn't he look dashing in the kid carrier. Yow!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Silly Willy Nilly
Silly!
Oh such a scandalous term! Seriously. I am AFRAID of being silly!
Once in a while I will entertain my children in a bit of silliness, but I will always be checking over my shoulder to make sure nobody with an opinion is watching!
However, I am realizing that I am actually quite a silly person. I LIKE to be silly!
I like to turn on the African Essentials music and dance all tribal.
I LIKE to play pranks on people...especially random strangers.
I want to DIVE on the platform of rugs at Home Depot whenever I walked by them.
I think I would even like to be part of a FOOD FIGHT (as long as Ididn't have to clean it up).
I like to pretend I am English and sophisticated and such and talk with an accent (my kids tell me to stop)
I like to sing at the top of my lungs like I'm a black gospel singer...with all the attitude!
I like pillow fights (especially with my hubby)!
I like to put on random articles of clothing in stores and sneak around like I'm a not-so-conspicuous spy!
Come to think of it, I think I am just down right too serious! Always have been...something to do with wanting to be all mature and grownup or something.
So, here's to the SILLY's! Hope you have some today.
'Cause I'm gonna!!!
Oh such a scandalous term! Seriously. I am AFRAID of being silly!
Once in a while I will entertain my children in a bit of silliness, but I will always be checking over my shoulder to make sure nobody with an opinion is watching!
However, I am realizing that I am actually quite a silly person. I LIKE to be silly!
I like to turn on the African Essentials music and dance all tribal.
I LIKE to play pranks on people...especially random strangers.
I want to DIVE on the platform of rugs at Home Depot whenever I walked by them.
I think I would even like to be part of a FOOD FIGHT (as long as Ididn't have to clean it up).
I like to pretend I am English and sophisticated and such and talk with an accent (my kids tell me to stop)
I like to sing at the top of my lungs like I'm a black gospel singer...with all the attitude!
I like pillow fights (especially with my hubby)!
I like to put on random articles of clothing in stores and sneak around like I'm a not-so-conspicuous spy!
Come to think of it, I think I am just down right too serious! Always have been...something to do with wanting to be all mature and grownup or something.
So, here's to the SILLY's! Hope you have some today.
'Cause I'm gonna!!!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
It's all about....what?
I seem to have a habit of going long periods of time without reading much of anything, then completely bindging on 2 or 3 books all at the same time. Right now, I am in such a phase. The books on the table (or rather, in my hands) are "Deep Nutrition", "Backyard Homestead" and "The Social Animal". Not even remotely related to one another, yet there they are.
"Deep Nutrition" and "Backyard Homestead" are MY typical types of book; nutrition/health and Do-It-Yourselfer (I decided that's a word, so no nit-picking). "The Social Animal," however, is a book Kie heard about on OPB and then picked up at our local Barnes and Noble. Yes, yes, we are Heathens, I know. This particular book has been quite intriguing and flat-out eye opening for me. There is fascinating data and research and it's written in a most engaging way, covering human development and psychology from conception through retirement (I'm only up to the high-school part though). However, it all points to a very simple conclusion (Don't worry, I'm not spoiling the book)...It's ALL about relationships! We are social at our very cores and everything subconscious, points us towards and into relationships with others.
To my husband, this truth is somewhat intuitive. To me, it's groundbreaking! If you ask me what I'm good at, I could spout off an impressive list: athletics, sewing, baking, organizing, getting stuff done, wood-working, yard work, math, drawing, thinking (I am an excellent thinker : )....However, my absolute weakest link is relationships! The thing that has ailed me most, all the way back through childhood is relationships; friendships.
Sure, I could name a few "best" friends over the years, but my "best" friend always had a closer friend. In highschool, I was proud of the fact that I didn't need to go out on Friday nights, but was perfectly content to stay home in the midst of my own company or babysit and earn a few extra dollars. It's a good thing I played sports or I probably wouldn't have made any friends in highschool at all.
Now, once I got to college, I was much, much more mature and knew that I was there to learn and there would be no "childish" goofing around. I wasn't interested in flirting, immature girly drama and certainly not partying (even the Christian type). Instead, I faithfully attended my classes and church's Thursday night prayer and skipped the study groups and "Friends" get togethers and house dances. I wasn't snotty (I don't think), most people seemed to like me, I was quite pleasant and ready to help, but when it came to me, I just didn't need anyone else.
Not much changed after the first year of college. I finished my freshmen year and left school to spend a summer in Mexico, serving at a mission. After I came back I spent a year interning at my home church, learning about ministry, serving and teaching. Next summer, I was proud to call myself Mrs. Bondurant and my life's ambition was nearly satisfied. The only thing missing were all the sweet babies I had my heart set on.
That's where it all seemed to fall apart; when I started (and didn't stop) having babies. Why? It was what I always wanted to do! To be a mother.
I had been thinking about it since I was a young girl and now, it was my dream come true...only, it was more like a nightmare! Other mothers I would talk to, would swoon and say, "Oh, aren't you just so in love?" "Doesn't he just melt your heart?" I would respond "correctly" of course and say, "yes!" But, inside I was thinking how terrible I must be to be the only mother out there that isn't gaga over her sweet child. I was tired! I felt ugly! I felt rejected! I felt fear!
Yes, there were moments of delight and joy. This little bundle could put a smile on my face, but I wasn't smitten. I was committed. It wasn't a feeling. It was a CHOICE. This was my child and I was going to do everything that was responsible and right. Feelings or not.
Over the years, life has progressed, adding one, two, then three more children, with hardly a chance to breathe in between, but I wasn't going to be beat! My hearts cry was that I wouldn't just say I survived (though that is still impressive in itself), but that we THRIVED. That I learned to love, and enjoy and laugh and relax...But despite even my best efforts. Life remained more or less, the same.
So, what gives? What am I missing?
RELATIONSHIPS...All my life I used smarts and skill and hard work to get anywhere. I never learned how to build true, below the surface, relationships. If there is one thing that might be the most important thing I've learned/still learning, is that our life is ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS!
God created humankind to have a RELATIONSHIP with us and then sent His only son when the future of that relationship was at stake! I have spouted Christianeeze my whole life and never truly known what a relationship with God really meant or quite frankly, how to do it.
Now, I've seen His power, felt His present, worshiped Him with all my heart, and followed His directing, but a RELATIONSHIP is even more than that.
It's more than me, just carrying my children in my womb. More than giving birth to them. More than feeding them daily, clothing them, teaching them, training them...it's KNOWING them. Seeing their hearts and responding. To joy, celebration! To imagination, awe! To confusion, insight! To pain, comfort! To fear, courage! To hope, support! To trials, strength! To defeat, encouragement!
What a beautiful picture that would be! A perfect song!
(Now, don't start to think I have all or even any of this figured out...it was just coming to me, only as I wrote it)
Up until this point, I have kept many areas of myself guarded. Reserved. Perhaps there is so much more than just "doing the RIGHT thing."
Perhaps it's All about RELATIONSHIPS!
Something, I have A LOT to learn about!
"Deep Nutrition" and "Backyard Homestead" are MY typical types of book; nutrition/health and Do-It-Yourselfer (I decided that's a word, so no nit-picking). "The Social Animal," however, is a book Kie heard about on OPB and then picked up at our local Barnes and Noble. Yes, yes, we are Heathens, I know. This particular book has been quite intriguing and flat-out eye opening for me. There is fascinating data and research and it's written in a most engaging way, covering human development and psychology from conception through retirement (I'm only up to the high-school part though). However, it all points to a very simple conclusion (Don't worry, I'm not spoiling the book)...It's ALL about relationships! We are social at our very cores and everything subconscious, points us towards and into relationships with others.
To my husband, this truth is somewhat intuitive. To me, it's groundbreaking! If you ask me what I'm good at, I could spout off an impressive list: athletics, sewing, baking, organizing, getting stuff done, wood-working, yard work, math, drawing, thinking (I am an excellent thinker : )....However, my absolute weakest link is relationships! The thing that has ailed me most, all the way back through childhood is relationships; friendships.
Sure, I could name a few "best" friends over the years, but my "best" friend always had a closer friend. In highschool, I was proud of the fact that I didn't need to go out on Friday nights, but was perfectly content to stay home in the midst of my own company or babysit and earn a few extra dollars. It's a good thing I played sports or I probably wouldn't have made any friends in highschool at all.
Now, once I got to college, I was much, much more mature and knew that I was there to learn and there would be no "childish" goofing around. I wasn't interested in flirting, immature girly drama and certainly not partying (even the Christian type). Instead, I faithfully attended my classes and church's Thursday night prayer and skipped the study groups and "Friends" get togethers and house dances. I wasn't snotty (I don't think), most people seemed to like me, I was quite pleasant and ready to help, but when it came to me, I just didn't need anyone else.
Not much changed after the first year of college. I finished my freshmen year and left school to spend a summer in Mexico, serving at a mission. After I came back I spent a year interning at my home church, learning about ministry, serving and teaching. Next summer, I was proud to call myself Mrs. Bondurant and my life's ambition was nearly satisfied. The only thing missing were all the sweet babies I had my heart set on.
That's where it all seemed to fall apart; when I started (and didn't stop) having babies. Why? It was what I always wanted to do! To be a mother.
I had been thinking about it since I was a young girl and now, it was my dream come true...only, it was more like a nightmare! Other mothers I would talk to, would swoon and say, "Oh, aren't you just so in love?" "Doesn't he just melt your heart?" I would respond "correctly" of course and say, "yes!" But, inside I was thinking how terrible I must be to be the only mother out there that isn't gaga over her sweet child. I was tired! I felt ugly! I felt rejected! I felt fear!
Yes, there were moments of delight and joy. This little bundle could put a smile on my face, but I wasn't smitten. I was committed. It wasn't a feeling. It was a CHOICE. This was my child and I was going to do everything that was responsible and right. Feelings or not.
Over the years, life has progressed, adding one, two, then three more children, with hardly a chance to breathe in between, but I wasn't going to be beat! My hearts cry was that I wouldn't just say I survived (though that is still impressive in itself), but that we THRIVED. That I learned to love, and enjoy and laugh and relax...But despite even my best efforts. Life remained more or less, the same.
So, what gives? What am I missing?
RELATIONSHIPS...All my life I used smarts and skill and hard work to get anywhere. I never learned how to build true, below the surface, relationships. If there is one thing that might be the most important thing I've learned/still learning, is that our life is ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS!
God created humankind to have a RELATIONSHIP with us and then sent His only son when the future of that relationship was at stake! I have spouted Christianeeze my whole life and never truly known what a relationship with God really meant or quite frankly, how to do it.
Now, I've seen His power, felt His present, worshiped Him with all my heart, and followed His directing, but a RELATIONSHIP is even more than that.
It's more than me, just carrying my children in my womb. More than giving birth to them. More than feeding them daily, clothing them, teaching them, training them...it's KNOWING them. Seeing their hearts and responding. To joy, celebration! To imagination, awe! To confusion, insight! To pain, comfort! To fear, courage! To hope, support! To trials, strength! To defeat, encouragement!
What a beautiful picture that would be! A perfect song!
(Now, don't start to think I have all or even any of this figured out...it was just coming to me, only as I wrote it)
Up until this point, I have kept many areas of myself guarded. Reserved. Perhaps there is so much more than just "doing the RIGHT thing."
Perhaps it's All about RELATIONSHIPS!
Something, I have A LOT to learn about!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Boys!
Just recently, it has dawned on me that I have BOYS! Full blooded, God-designed boys!
Now, you may be wondering why I didn't notice this before? I wouldn't consider myself slow, per say, just a bit hard-headed, stubborn perhaps.
See, when I was a little girl (and even as a "big" girl), I have envisioned this wonderful life of domestic bliss. Baking (in an adorable apron), house beautiful, laundry neatly folded and back in drawers and on hangers, a fruitful garden adorned with flowers here and there, sewing projects in the making and so on.
RrRRR-EEEK. My real life
Dirty dishes in the sink, hair unwashed, dinner on the table about an hour too late, scuff-marks on the walls, mud tracks through the house, science experiments in the bathroom sink, pee on the bathroom floor. Pee. Pee. Everywhere! Children climbing on stools, tables, counters, railing, couches and jumping off as well. The sound of running and laughing and sword fighting at 7:00 in the morning. Little hands in the cupboards and fridge and pantry...less than 30 min after a meal! Make believe adventures, jumping on the trampoline for hours, dragons and knights and cowboys. Ninjas, warriors, princes, hero's. Hitting, punching, kicking wrestling, yelling! Broken toys, broken windows, broken keepsakes. Lots and LOTS of things Broken! This is the life of boys!
Up until recently, I have been fighting stubbornly for MY domestic bliss. Trying to force these WILD creatures into my expectations of order and peace and FEMININITY. My dear sister-in-law had mentioned to me that every 20 min or so, while doing school, she will devise some physical task for her boys to do: run around the yard 5x's, do 20 push-ups, jumping jacks, sit-ups...anything to get their bodies moving. After she told me this, all I wanted to do was to plop myself down with my bottom lip stuck out and pout, "But I don't want to do that. It's too much work!" As if I was having so much fun otherwise.
Back in the good ol' days (a.k.a. when things were perfect...because we weren't actually there), boys would go to work with their dads. If he was a farmer, in the fields. If he was a chimney sweep, a cobbler, an inn-keeper, his son would follow and learn and work. We don't exactly have a culture that supports that, so I'm just going to have to do the best I can. Now I have NO intentions of trying to teach my boys MAN stuff...I will still leave that up to Kiely. But, I can be flexible. I can get dirty, I can play make-believe, I can be forgiving when things get broken, I can send them down the street and back if they just can't sit still (and even run with them sometimes). I can let them do the "fun" part to baking and housework, like pushing the buttons and carrying the oh-so-heavy laundry baskets and deciding exactly what goodie to bake for dessert night, and then letting them lick the beaters. I can teach them to be gentlemen and how to treat ladies, but give them the freedom to MOVE and PLAY and INVENT, even if it messes up my domestic ideal.
I can not only accept it. I can EMBRACE it.
The God-given life that is constantly BOUNDING out of my boys
To God be the glory...and to this momma. GRACE!
Climbing...
Hungry, hungry boys.
life's just a little more fun...upside down
ALL of my boys
Gotta love a shiner
Brothers...Dude!
Can I lick it? Please!
School!
If you don't know what to be...just be EVERYTHING!
Some would say, "dangerous"...To Gabe, it's the only way to carve a pumpkin.
mmmmm. Chocolate.
MY BOYS!
Now, you may be wondering why I didn't notice this before? I wouldn't consider myself slow, per say, just a bit hard-headed, stubborn perhaps.
See, when I was a little girl (and even as a "big" girl), I have envisioned this wonderful life of domestic bliss. Baking (in an adorable apron), house beautiful, laundry neatly folded and back in drawers and on hangers, a fruitful garden adorned with flowers here and there, sewing projects in the making and so on.
RrRRR-EEEK. My real life
Dirty dishes in the sink, hair unwashed, dinner on the table about an hour too late, scuff-marks on the walls, mud tracks through the house, science experiments in the bathroom sink, pee on the bathroom floor. Pee. Pee. Everywhere! Children climbing on stools, tables, counters, railing, couches and jumping off as well. The sound of running and laughing and sword fighting at 7:00 in the morning. Little hands in the cupboards and fridge and pantry...less than 30 min after a meal! Make believe adventures, jumping on the trampoline for hours, dragons and knights and cowboys. Ninjas, warriors, princes, hero's. Hitting, punching, kicking wrestling, yelling! Broken toys, broken windows, broken keepsakes. Lots and LOTS of things Broken! This is the life of boys!
Up until recently, I have been fighting stubbornly for MY domestic bliss. Trying to force these WILD creatures into my expectations of order and peace and FEMININITY. My dear sister-in-law had mentioned to me that every 20 min or so, while doing school, she will devise some physical task for her boys to do: run around the yard 5x's, do 20 push-ups, jumping jacks, sit-ups...anything to get their bodies moving. After she told me this, all I wanted to do was to plop myself down with my bottom lip stuck out and pout, "But I don't want to do that. It's too much work!" As if I was having so much fun otherwise.
Back in the good ol' days (a.k.a. when things were perfect...because we weren't actually there), boys would go to work with their dads. If he was a farmer, in the fields. If he was a chimney sweep, a cobbler, an inn-keeper, his son would follow and learn and work. We don't exactly have a culture that supports that, so I'm just going to have to do the best I can. Now I have NO intentions of trying to teach my boys MAN stuff...I will still leave that up to Kiely. But, I can be flexible. I can get dirty, I can play make-believe, I can be forgiving when things get broken, I can send them down the street and back if they just can't sit still (and even run with them sometimes). I can let them do the "fun" part to baking and housework, like pushing the buttons and carrying the oh-so-heavy laundry baskets and deciding exactly what goodie to bake for dessert night, and then letting them lick the beaters. I can teach them to be gentlemen and how to treat ladies, but give them the freedom to MOVE and PLAY and INVENT, even if it messes up my domestic ideal.
I can not only accept it. I can EMBRACE it.
The God-given life that is constantly BOUNDING out of my boys
To God be the glory...and to this momma. GRACE!
Climbing...
Hungry, hungry boys.
life's just a little more fun...upside down
ALL of my boys
Gotta love a shiner
Brothers...Dude!
Can I lick it? Please!
School!
If you don't know what to be...just be EVERYTHING!
Some would say, "dangerous"...To Gabe, it's the only way to carve a pumpkin.
mmmmm. Chocolate.
MY BOYS!
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